Happy New Years

Welcome to 2022! I hope your year is off to a great start.  By now, many people have already given up on their New Year’s resolutions and have settled into the same routine that ended 2021.  Today, I want to share a behavior that could radically improve your marriage in 2022 and I am hoping that it might become a deliberate habit.  It is a breakthrough habit that truly changes everything.  Start doing this today and you will be amazed at what happens for your marriage.  This post was inspired by one of my marriage coaching clients.

Betty has been married to her husband for seven years.  She recently became a new coaching client of mine.  She had scheduled a coaching session but only for herself.  When Betty came into my office the first time, I noticed that she was carrying a journal.  When I asked her about it, she shared that it was a journal of everything her husband has does wrong for the past three years.  She had three years of documentation of every mistake her spouse had made.  Betty wrote down everything.   She didn’t miss a thing.  She had gotten into the habit of recording every misdeed and every misstep.  I asked Betty, why she had started the journal.  Her answer was amazing.  In her own words, “I found that I was forgetting all the things that he does wrong.”    

I asked her, “Since starting the journal is your husband functioning higher in the marriage and has it improved your relationship.”  She said, “Absolutely not, things are worse than ever!”  I am not surprised.  I challenged her to put the old journal away and start a new journal.  I asked her to start a new habit.  This time she was to write about all the ways her husband was doing things right. I asked her to write about the moments she felt close to him. I asked her to record daily all the things she loves about her husband.  She agreed.  She came back to my office two weeks later.  She said the change in her husband’s behavior was miraculous.  She reported that they had the best two weeks of their marriage.

The moral of this true story is that you will find relationally what you look for and what you focus on.  What you focus on you manifest.  In 2022, try focusing on what your spouse is doing right.  Focus on the many ways they enrich your life.  Focus on the moments of connection.  Start a journal about all the things your spouse does right and all the reasons that you love them.  Just like Betty, we sometimes forget all the things are spouse does that are amazing.  By writing them down you will remember them. As you begin to focus on these things, like my friend Betty, you are going to see them more.  What we look for, we find.  Please share this post with anyone you know who may benefit from being reminded of our need to be more positive. If you would like more information about my non-traditional approach to marriage counseling or would like to schedule a session, contact us today or call 314-606-4272.

Until next time, keep falling more in love.