Mid Life Crisis

In today’s post I want to talk about a phenomenon that creates havoc in marriages.  It is known as the dreaded “mid-life crisis”.  All of a sudden, as if from nowhere, your spouse comes home and announces that they are no longer in love.   They even question, if they ever were in love with you.  They are unhappy about everything, and apparently it is all your fault.  The spouse who is in the midst of this crisis can’t seem to recall any good times in the marriage.  The mid-life stricken spouse frequently trades reading glasses in for contact lens, starts dying their gray hair, and working out at the gym.  If it is a guy, expensive toys with motors are frequently involved.  If it is a woman, late nights with girlfriends and expensive body upgrades can be involved.  All under the guise that this will make me happy.  The final thing is to get a new life, by shedding the spouse.  It is clearly a crisis because from the balcony of these peoples lives one can see the choices and trail of destruction that is left in its path.  Men and women walk away from families, children, jobs and their marriage in pursuit of a happiness, that they now claim they have never known.  If this describes your spouse, you already know how incredibly destructive and hopeless this feels.  You probably have friends and family telling you to throw in the towel.  You may be loosing hope.  But I want to encourage you to hold on.  The truth is mid-life crisis seasons come to end.  They really do.  Through the years I have seen men and women transition out of this destructive season in their lives and go on to have incredible marriages.  In the short term remember these five rules to follow if you find your marriage in this season.

 

1)    Realize that it is going to take a season, but the season does end. Remind yourself that it has not always been like this, and that you have had many great seasons in your marriage.  Tell yourself, that this too will end.

2)   Don’t try to talk them out of the midlife crisis, utilize love and patience.  There is nothing rational about this crisis, so don’t try to use reason and logic. 

3)   While your spouse is in this season, work and focus on your self and your own happiness.  Work on your own fixings. 

4)   Be careful who you seek counsel from…your family and friends may see your gateway to get out of pain, as you leaving the marriage.

5)   Don’t give up on your marriage.

I know it has been several months since I published a St. Louis Marriage Coaching electronic newsletter.  I have been finishing up my Doctoral dissertation, doing many day long house calls, and helping individuals save their marriages.  In September I am going to be sending out a new expanded newsletter and adding some additional services to my coaching program.   The September St. Louis Marriage Coaching issue is going to deal with the topic of Mid-Life Crisis.  It is scheduled to be sent September 1st.   A weekly radio blog, a monthly question and answer teleconference and weekend retreats geared to helping people save their marriages are all in the works for the end of 2015.  If you would like more information about St. Louis Marriage Coaching, my unique approach to saving marriages or to subscribe to the free electronic newsletter go to stlouismarriagecoaching.com for more information.  If you need immediate help saving your marriage, you can call me at 314-606-4272.  Until next week, keep falling more in love with your spouse!