What would happen if someone asked your child this question, “Do you think your Mom and Dad will stay together forever?” How do you think your child would respond? How they would answer the question would reflect what they have observed in your home, what they have seen with their friends and what they have heard in the media. Because of these realities, many of our children would be uncertain and say, “I hope”. This is a sad commentary on our society and an opportunity for us to do better. Our homes should be a safe place for our children. Our kids should not just hope that Mom and Dad are going to stay together forever, they should have confidence and faith that Mom and Dad are going to stay together forever. Not because they have a perfect marriage, but because they have a high view of marriage that says marriage is forever. This reality can drive stability in your home. Research is conclusive, stable homes create stable children. Broken home can create broken children. One of the questions I ask my clients regularly gets at the issue of home stability. I ask, “If the thermostat in your home were to tell a story beyond how hot or cold it is in your home, what would it tell me? Would it tell me that this is a place of joy? Would it tell me this is a place of peace? Would it tell me this is a place where love is shared? Or would it tell me this is a place of chaos and stress? Would it tell me that this is a place where people don’t get along? Would it tell me this is a place where people yell and scream?” If your home feels more like a war zone than a safe place for your kids, the time to do something is today. Make three easy commitments to start change the climate in your home.
1) Immediately stop all screaming, cussing and name calling. Don’t fight in front of your children. Make it a habit to not raise your voice and to never call names. I share with people daily that when we lose our “stuff” around our family or our children, we lose. There is tremendous power in staying calm and in control.
2) Tell your spouse and your children daily that you love them. One of the greatest ways to demonstrate love is with words. Make a commitment that you are going to speak life and love over the people in your home. Especially your kids and your spouse. They need to hear the words, “I love you.”
3) When you blow it, own it. Sometimes we blow it, and we have to say, “I am sorry, I am working on not losing my temper”. When you begin to focus on creating a place of love and calm for your kids they will thrive, and your marriage will thrive.
There has never been a better time than today to start to create the home that you know that you family deserves. Start today. Share this post with anyone who might benefit from it. If you would like more information about my non-traditional approach to marriage counseling or would like to schedule a session, check out TheMarriageCoach.Com or call 314-606-4272. Until next time, keep falling more in love.
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